Gaslighting: What It Is and How to Spot It
Ever walk away from a conversation feeling like you’ve just been turned in circles? Or find yourself saying “I’m sorry” when you know you’ve done nothing wrong? Chances are, you might be dealing with gaslighting—one of the sneakiest (and sadly common) ways people can manipulate others. Let’s break down what it actually is, how to see it happening, and what you can do if you’re caught in the middle of it.
So, What Is Gaslighting?
The word “gaslighting” comes from an old movie called Gaslight, where a husband keeps dimming the gaslights in his home but acts like nothing’s changed, making his wife think she’s losing her mind. In real life, it might not be as dramatic as flickering lights, but the effect is the same: one person is messing with another’s sense of reality so thoroughly that they end up doubting their own memories, instincts, and even sanity.
This can look like someone insisting, “I never said that,” even though you clearly remember they did. Or constantly telling you that you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting.” Over time, these little comments can add up, making you second-guess everything—from small everyday details to big decisions.
Common Gaslighting Moves
1. Total Denial
“I never did that,” or “That never happened,” leaving you confused about what’s real.
2. Dismissing Your Feelings
“You’re overreacting,” or “Don’t be so dramatic.” These statements make you feel guilty for having normal reactions.
3. Flipping the Blame
Suddenly, you’re the bad guy—even when you know that’s not true.
4. Changing the Subject
They derail conversations or throw random accusations at you, so you lose track of the original issue and end up feeling lost.
5. The Silent Treatment
Stonewalling you or refusing to acknowledge your concerns is another way they keep control and make you doubt yourself.
Clues You’re Being Gaslit
You Doubt Your Own Memory
You’re constantly thinking, “Wait, did I remember that wrong?” or “Maybe I am overreacting…”
You Apologize All the Time
You say “sorry” for things that aren’t your fault—sometimes just for expressing how you feel.
Conversations Leave You Confused
You come out of discussions feeling like you got turned upside down, with no idea what just happened.
You Seek Approval from Others
Because you don’t trust your own gut anymore, you start asking friends or family to confirm basic details.
You Withdraw
Self-doubt or fear of being judged can make you isolate yourself from people who might actually support you.
Why It’s So Damaging
Gaslighting isn’t just a few mean comments—it’s deeper than that. It’s a pattern that can wear down your trust in yourself. Over time, this constant drip of doubt can lead to anxiety, depression, and a serious blow to your self-esteem.
How to Push Back
1. Trust Your Gut
If something feels off, don’t ignore it. It’s an invitation to explore what’s really going on.
2. Document It
Keep notes or screenshots of important conversations. This way, you can reassure yourself you’re not making things up.
3. Talk to Someone You Trust
Friends, family, counselors—getting an outside perspective can help you see things more clearly and remind you you’re not going crazy.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
If someone keeps putting you down or denying your reality, it’s okay to place limits in that relationship.
5. Seek Professional Support
Life coaching can be a game-changer in rebuilding your confidence and giving you tools to deal with gaslighting
How Experiential Modalities Can Help
While talking things through is powerful and often where we start, at Healing Reins we find that experiential modalities—like somatics, therapeutic art exercises, or role-playing exercises—can offer a deeper way to understand what’s happening:
Somatics
Helps you tune into your body’s signals. If you feel that pit in your stomach or your shoulders tensing up during certain interactions, that physical reaction can confirm something is off—sometimes faster than your mind can process.
Therapeutic Art Exercises
Allows you to express yourself visually, which can bring hidden feelings and patterns to the surface. You might notice themes in your drawings or paintings that reveal how you really feel underneath the confusion.
Role-Playing and Psychodrama
Re-enacting situations in a safe setting can help you see the manipulative patterns in action and practice responding in a different way.
Mindfulness-Based Approaches
Encourages you to stay present and grounded, making it harder for a gaslighter’s words to derail your sense of reality.
These techniques can help you reconnect with your intuition, validate your emotions, and rebuild trust in your own perceptions—all crucial steps to counteracting gaslighting. Gaslighting can happen to anyone—and most people can likely relate to what it feels like. Recognizing it is the first step toward taking back your sense of reality.