A PRACTICE GROUND

Bam!  The pavement came fast.  Dark, crusty, unforgiving. I can remember peeling the bits of gravel off of my palms, still feeling tangled up in my bike.

My dad picked me and the bike up, and said, “Let’s try again.”

In tears, I got back on the bike with trepidation.  My dad balanced the back of the seat in his hand and ran alongside my bike as I pushed the pedals forward.  Giggling more out of fear than delight, I incessantly demanded that he not let go of the bike.  Surely, I’d meet the pavement again if he did.

I was going faster, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my dad’s shadow across the pavement was suspiciously further back than it had been before.  Immediately fear seized me and my handlebars began to wobble back and forth, out of control, until I came to an abrupt, unplanned stop once again.

The funny thing was, my dad had stopped helping me a ways back before I’d noticed.  Until I knew he wasn’t there, I had sailed along independently, unaware that I could actually do it.  I could ride my bike, I just didn’t know that I could.  I needed more practice to build my confidence.

There were a few more tries that day, including one in which I ran my bike (thankfully at slow speed) straight into the side of the house.  Slowly, slowly, I gained confidence. That summer I had mastered my biking skills well enough to be speeding along the driveway.

I can’t imagine learning to bike in harder circumstances.  These felt hard enough! 

But imagine, for a moment, if the only available place to learn was down a steep mountain bike trail.  I’d like to think that I’d eventually get it, but I KNOW there would be many more challenges in that process of learning.  I’d have the bruises in heart and body to prove it.

Sometimes navigating our relationships toward health can feel like we are learning to ride a bike for the first time by careening down a steep mountain biking trail.  When the twists and turns come, its easy to get off the beaten track.  Instead of navigating the trail and the tree roots, moving along with safety, connection, and joy, we are barely staying on the path.  Or maybe we’ve even just had to stop in our tracks, unable to figure out how to move forward.

We know we want to put into practice the things that will restore well-being, safety, health, and peace in our relationships.  But, its tough sledding.  (Or rather, tough biking). We might even know “what” to do, just as we might know “how” to ride a bike by reading a book about it.  But somehow, things go astray when we try to live out these changes.  Instead of moving forward, our tires get stuck in the ruts.

If we’re going to bike down the mountain, first we need to learn to ride the bike.

We need a safe practice ground to tune up our skills, put into practice what we’ve learned, and gain the feel of it.

The same is true when we’re facing “tough biking” in our relationships.  Trying to implement changes and new ways of being when we are functioning in healthy relationships is hard work!  Trying to do the same when working through strained relationships can feel defeating, and at times impossible.

Sometimes what we need is a relational practice ground.  A safe place to make mistakes, repairs, explore connection.  A protected space to learn how to function in a more healthy way in relationships.

A practice ground where we can learn the feel of healthy relationships.

And that is where our horses come in.  Partnering with horses offers an incredible, powerful practicing ground.

As living, sentient beings, horses have a deep ability to connect with others in relationship.  They are naturally herd animals, attuning to the horses and beings around them for their very survival.  Just like humans, horses develop strong attachment and bonding from the very beginning; they develop patterns of relating, whether they be healthy or detrimental, just as we do.

And they are capable of deep relationship and connection with us.

At Healing Reins, partnering with a horse offers the opportunity to build connection and relationship with another being.  But, in this relationship, it’s a stable ground without all the extra challenges to practice new ways of being.

Its like learning to ride a bike on flat pavement.  There is room and time to explore, to make mistakes, to get back up on the bike and start over.  To get the feel for it.

When working on this relational practice ground, the horse sees you in the moment, relates with you in the moment.  When there are mistakes made in relationship, we can learn how to repair them.  There is room and time to explore what we bring into our relationships - both the healthy and the detrimental. 

We can begin to get the feel of how we want to show up in relationship.

Once we have the feel for biking, we have the ability to navigate the twists and turns, the unexpected rocks and tree roots that seem to pop out of nowhere.  But we have to practice first.

Turns out, the same is true in our relationships.